You'll Let Me Hold Your Hand
by oheyyitzang
Summary: "If you don't want to break up, then why won't you just build up the damn courage to come out and tell people about this!" Kendall was never brave enough; all he wanted to do was hold Logan's hand and not let anything come their way. It was never enough.


**Title: **You'll Let Me Hold Your Hand (1/1)  
><strong>Rating:<strong> K  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> RPS Kendall/Logan  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own anything. I don't now, and I never will  
>Summary: "If you don't want to break up, then why won't you just build up the damn courage to come out and tell people about this?" Kendall was never brave enough; all he wanted to do was hold Logan's hand and not let anything come their way. It was never enough.<br>**Notes: **Okay, here it is. I thought this up the day of the iHeartRadio stream because it was the first time the boys played IWHYH in a long time. It could take place whenever you want it to: Better With You tour, Summer Fair tour, a small show like the iHeartRadio one, it's completely up to you the way you want it to be set. Just think, what if this happened at a show you were at? I'm very proud of the ficlet, and I really hope you like it & leave a review! And thank you so much to Niv (presleyhenderson) for editing this and helping with a summary.

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><p>The sunlight was what woke Kendall on a Wednesday morning. Weird; the sun had already been up for over two hours… why now? He rubbed his eyes and looked around. How did he end up in the back lounge? He must've fallen asleep back there even though he didn't remember it and… Logan was in his arms. That's right, Logan fell asleep and the blond didn't want to move and wake him up. Waking up with a beautiful boy in his arms; it was little things like that that made Kendall so happy.<p>

"What time is it?" a half awake Logan mumbled. Kendall couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend. _His boyfriend._ Sometimes it didn't even feel like they were in a relationship. They were hiding it because they knew their management wouldn't be okay with it. There was way more to it than just that. Was that normal?

"Hah, good morning to you, too. It's like 9:30."

"Why the hell are we back here?" a still semi-conscious Logan asked.

"You fell asleep on me and if I moved, I'd wake you up."

"Can we just stay here for a little while? I like this."

"I like this too. I like you, a lot, actually." The blond held his boyfriend a little bit closer.

"Yeah? Well, I love you."

"Hm, I love you, too." Kendall turned his head slightly and kissed Logan's forehead.

"Kendall, have you ever thought about, like, telling people about us? I feel like we should."

"I, um, yeah, I've thought about it. I just don't know."

"You don't know what?" Logan wasn't entirely sure what Kendall meant by "not knowing".

"I want this to last, you know that. We've talked about this before. It's not going to last if we just tell the world that we're dating! It's going to hurt."

"But what if I'm tired of hiding? I want to hold your hand in public! I want to kiss you wherever we are, no matter who's watching! James and Carlos don't even know about this!"

"Do you remember what happened when you came out? People called you a fag, a queer, homo. You hated it, I remember. Logan, you wanted to kill yourself and I was the only one stopping you from going through with it! It's going to be worse if we tell people now, because it's me too; I'm not out! Do you really want to go through that again?"

"I knew I shouldn't have brought this up!" The brunette said, trying to hide the fact that his heart was breaking, "You were going to get defensive, I knew it. Maybe it would be better if we broke up. No more hiding." Logan's voice was barely a whisper by the end of his sentence.

"No, Logan, no. I don't want to break up." Kendall started, in an attempt to save their relationship from whatever just happened, "This is forever, remember? I-I love you."

"If you don't want to break up, then why won't you just build up the damn courage to come out and tell people about this?"

"I'm trying! It's not going to be easy, I know that, and that's why I'm waiting!"

"Bullshit. Do you honestly, wholeheartedly want to be with me, or have the past six months been a joke to you? I need to know."

"I want to be with you!"

"Yeah, well, maybe you should make it seem like you do!"

"W-what does that even mean?"

"Tell people about this, about us!"

"Logan, I don't want to fight. Can we talk about this, please. Just talk, no yelling."

"We're not fighting." Logan halted.

"We're practically screaming at each other, and you don't think that's fighting? I don't like this at all. I don't like yelling at you, or any of this."

"Kendall, can't you–"

"No, I'm done, okay? I'll be in my bunk, just um, just let me know when we have to get off the buses."

"Wait, I'm–"

"Logan, just don't. I'm sorry that I'm not doing what you want because I don't want to come out. I'm sorry that I'm just trying to make this last. I'm sorry that I can't do this relationship crap right. I'm so sorry!"

"You don't have to apologize."

"I just can't do anything right, I guess. Please don't talk to me for a little while. I just need to calm down."

"Yeah, uh, go ahead. Can we talk about this before the show tonight?"

"Maybe, I guess." Kendall stood up, walked sluggishly to his bunk and pulled himself up to climb in. He wasn't the type of person to cry, but that's exactly what he wanted to do right now. Looking up at the pictures he put on the ceiling part of his bunk hurt. Mostly every picture was of him with Logan. The blond's favorite was the one he'd taken with the front camera on his phone of Logan kissing him. That was the day they got together, the best day of his life. Another one of his favorites was the one someone took of them on set when they filmed Big Time Jobs, of the two boys tied up together.

Kendall fell asleep thinking about how whatever happened between him and Logan wasn't going to be fixable. It felt like forever before Logan woke him up to inform him that they had to soundcheck in five minutes and told him to pretend to be happy for the fans. Pretend to be happy? How could he pretend to be happy? Everything just sucked. Kendall dragged himself through the venue and tried to look awake for soundcheck. He tried to look happy and hoped it was a believable fake smile he was wearing. Playing the show that night was rough for Kendall. Looking over to Logan after he'd forgotten about earlier was rough. He'd smirk and Logan would turn away.

_Finally. I Wanna Hold Your Hand._ There it was; Kendall's perfect opportunity to make his relationship with Logan okay again. He had to do this now. Halfway through the song, without even thinking, the blond let his hand drift to Logan's. He squeezed the shorter boy's hand a little bit and even felt him squeeze back.

Logan pulled the microphone from his mouth, leaned to his left, and whispered in Kendall's ear, "What are you doing?"

"Something I've been too afraid to do for a long time."

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><p>Thanks for reading and please try to leave a review!<p> 


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